Slowly Losing Control
by IrrevocablyInLoveWithTwilight
Summary: Paul's life is on a path to self destruction but can one tragic night change everything? Will he be able to stop his anger in time to save her? Or will this mystery girl be the one who saves him? One thing is for sure, Paul hates when he is not in control
1. One Night Stand

**A/N: **This is set after Eclipse. Paul's story just seemed so interesting, I figured I would take a shot at writing like a angry werewolf. :) Please Review!

I own nothing of Twilight but I guess that is obvious! :)

**One Night Stand**

Another Friday night and here I am sitting alone at the bar. This was the worst night of the week for me because it was date night for the ones in the pack with imprints. Which, by the way, was pretty much everyone besides me, Leah, Seth, Brady, and Collin. Leah and I never were the type that would hang out together if we didn't have to. Then there was Seth, Brady and Collin who were at least 3 years younger than me so we didn't have all that much in common. Nope, Jared and Sam were my best friends out of the pack unfortunately they were married so 'Guy' time didn't come around too often. Hence, me sitting here at some dive in Port Angeles, seeing which drunk girl I could bring home with me. I knew I could get any girl I wanted, but some how I always picked the clingy ones. That is why I decided to start coming to bars, what respectable girl goes to a bar looking for a relationship. None, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

Wow I sound like such a sexist, womanizing jerk right now, but everyone knows that's not really true. I mean sure I have had my share of women and no, I don't plan on settling down anytime soon, but I have my reasons. Well really there is only one reason, but that is the one reason behind everything I do, I am a werewolf. Growing up in La Push I always heard all the legends but I never believed them, but no one really did, until it happened of course. I'll never forget that night, the night I finally let my anger take control. I have never been a patient person, in fact I have always had some what of an anger problem. One week though when I was 16 it became almost unbearable, there was nothing I can do with out getting mad. If someone even looked at me the wrong way I would bite their head off.

Then one night my mom's boyfriend came over, drunk as always and started trying to tell me what to do and I lost it. I started shaking so violently that I ran out of the house knowing that if I didn't I would have killed him. Within minutes I was running into the forest, the shaking never stopping, only intensifying, I felt my clothes tear apart unable to contain me any longer. My skin was stretching, aching and burning as it was replaced with a think coat of silver fur, this was it, I had finally lost it. As if to confirm my thought I head another voice in my head, but it wasn't mine. It was Sam's, the Alpha of our pack. He welcomed me to the pack, which at the time was just me and him. I was too angry to listen though, I just kept running and swearing in my head, I refused to believe any of it.

Finally however, Sam was able to reason with me, telling me that me anger outbursts were in result of me being about to phase for the first time. When I was calm enough to listen rationally he explained it all to me. The Cullens being back triggered our transformations cause even though they are supposedly harmless to humans our one and only job is to protect against the cold ones, vampires. He even told me about when he first phased and how he thought he was going insane cause he had no one to talk to about what was going on. After awhile I was finally able to come to terms with my fate, although I wasn't happy, I was an angry enough person as it was. Now I needed to add in the emotions of a wild friggin animal, great, now I really could bite someones head off.

Then sound of a group of girls giggling at the end of the bar brought me back to earth. I looked over at them and found them staring at me, flashing flirty smiles, and waving. Sometimes this was just too easy, where was the challenge, the hunt, but I didn't really want a hunt. Nope, I had to be in control it was more a thirst then a need. Just like filthy leeches thirst for blood, I thirst for control, dominance, and if i didn't get it I became angry. We all know that an angry werewolf is never a good thing. One last shot of tequila and I was on my way to the other end of the bar, the girls' eyes widen in shock as I walked towards them.

"Hello Ladies! The name is Paul, what are you beautiful girl's doing out all by yourselves on a Friday night." I had them eating out of my hand the moment I spoke, it was pathetic really. Now that I had a closer look, only one of them could be considered remotely attractive,that of course would be the one I went home with. They all had the same fake blond hair, with way too blue colored contacts, their fake nails were way too long and unnatural. Of course their clothes were well picked out, only highlighting their few good features.

"Well hello Paul, I am Stacey and these are my friends Susie, Kara, and Lisa." The girl who spoke was the only half way attractive girl there. They weren't ugly just average, common, even their names were so plain. "We are just enjoying a girl's night out, what about you?" She didn't seem too drunk which is good because I wanted her to remember me of course. It was all part of the control issue, I wanted to be the best she ever had and I wanted her to know that she could never really have me.

"Well have fun ladies, I was actually just about to leave but I figured I would say hello first." I flashed my irresistable smile and turned away. Three, Two, one...

"Wait, you want some company?" This was just getting to be way too easy. I never thought I would get bored having a different girl every night but here I am about to take home a complete stranger and I feel nothing. Not nerves, not excitement, nothing, well honestly I feel angry, why do they make it so easy. Is that really what they think guys want? For the first time I was actually glad that I never wanted to even consider settling down, there were no girls out there worth it anymore.

"Sure Stacey, I would love some company." I turned around and she was already saying goodbye to her friends. That was when I remembered that I ran here, cause I was far to angry to drive, and I didn't have my truck. "Umm do you think you are ok to drive, my friend's dropped me off earlier so I don't have my car."

"Sure, we brought two cars here anyways. Do you want to go to my place or yours? I live in Beaver, you know the little town before Forks?" I learned awhile ago never to let a girl I went home with to find out where I lived, especially in case they were clingy. Plus I knew where Beaver was and it wasn't that far of a run for when I left in the middle of the night.

"Yours is fine, I have roommates anyways." Which actually wasn't a lie, I lived with Brady and Collin simply cause it was easier and cheaper. She nodded her head as she got into the driver's side of her white Dodge Neon. God, even her car was plain, it was too late to back out now, besides this was what I wanted, what I always wanted, control. We drove the first 15 miles of so in silence, me because I didn't like small talk and really had nothing to say to her and her probably because she was nervous. If I was her I would be too, what if I was some killer, did she really have that little of respect for herself, once again pathetic. Just then I felt the car swerve into the other lane and back again. "Are you sure you are ok to drive? I can drive if you want me too."

"Yes I am fine, I only had a couple of drinks, besides I don't let anyone drive my baby." She is kidding right, she didn't not just call a Dodge neon her baby? Please tell me she is not as stupid as her voice is annoying, but then I look at the huge smile on her voice and realize she is serious. Well did I really expect anymore out of her than that, she bearly knew how to drive a car as it was.

"Fine then suit yourself but you better not get me killed." She just laughed like I was joking which only angered me more. I needed to come down or I would phase in this car and kill this poor, sad girl. So I let my mind wonder to cliff diving tomorrow, the rush, the adrenaline, it was the one true love I had in this hell I call life. By the time I realized what was happening it was too late, I heard the crunching of metal before I had time to react. What the hell Paul? You are a werewolf, you have quicker relaxes then all humans and most vampires. The shaking got faster as anger seethed out of me, but I abruptly stopped when I realized that we didn't hit a tree, we hit another car.

I looked over to Stacey who looked to be breathing but was knocked unconscious and then I got out of the car. I, of course being a werewolf, was completely unharmed. Quickly I made my way over to the car and even, me, who could handle anything was shocked. Her face was covered in blood from the massive gash on her forehead, her arm was mangled behind her head and the dashboard was caved in, crushing her legs. She needed help and she needed it fast, I had to call the police, but what if they tried to blame me, I wasn't even the one driving. I had to talk to Sam, I knew I could phase and he would tell me what to do, it would only take 3 minutes. I ran into the forest pulled off my clothes and phased, Seth was patrolling.

_Hey Paul!_ He thought in his overly chipper voice.

_Go Get Sam Now! No it's not A Vampire! Just do it. _With in seconds I felt him phase out and then in only seconds phase back but this time he was not alone.

_What is it Paul? _Came Sam's Alpha voice, so I opened up my thoughts and let him see everything. _Oh, well phase back call the cops and I will meet you there as soon as I can. Paul you have to be honest with them, it wasn't your fault, not really anyways, she chose to drive drunk you didn't make her, I will not yell at you now, not with a life at risk so PHASE BACK NOW._

With that Sam and Seth left my thoughts as I phased and put my clothes on, I had my phone opened and ringing as soon as I was dressed. I reported the car accident and told them which we mile marker we were at on the highway. They said they would send an ambulance and a police officer over as soon as possible. I just closed my phone and started pacing back and fourth extremely pissed off. As soon as possible? What the hell part of I think the girl is dying don't they understand? My anger walk was disturbed by a truck skidding to a stop in front of me, Sam.

"Paul are you ok? Where are the cops?" Just then he actually noticed the accident, "Wow, that is really bad, seeing it in your thoughts was bad enough but this is just horrible. I hope she is ok, I hope they both are." I was about to tell him not to worry about Stacey, it was her fault anyways, when we heard the sirens.

"It's about time!" As the firefighters got to work trying to get the car off of the one girl the paremdics went over to Stacey and got her outta her car. That was when I felt a tap on the shoulder and turned around to face and officer whose tag read 'Capt. Smith'.

"Are you Paul Kleary?" I nodded and shook his out stretched hand. "Are you hurt?" I shook my head this time "Then could you please come with me and answer some questions?" I just followed him over to his squad car and sat down in the passenger seat as he stood in front of me. Can you please describe to be to the best of your memory what happened here tonight."

"Yes, Officer." So then I explained it all, exactly like it happened, exactly like Sam told me too. I told the officer about the bar and the drive home and the accident.

"So Paul would you say you were drunk when you left the bar." I knew they were going to try to blame me, I started to shake again but Sam just put his hand on my shoulder and I stopped.

"No sir, but I did not feel comfortable driving. I kept asking Stacey if she was ok and she said she was absolutely fine. Like I said I didn't know her all that well so I couldn't tell if she was lying but she seemed perfectly fine to me. She didn't slur her words or stumble or anything."

"Do you always go out to bars with the intentions of picking up strange women?" Is it really any of your business, I had to grind my teeth, I wanted to hit him so bad.

"No Officer Smith, I do not, it was a one time thing, really unlike me at all I just was having a bad week is all, but that is no excuse." I could see his hard exterior start to crack, I can be so charming when need be.

"Ok well then I'll need you to go down to the station to make your report and then you are free to go. They will be bringing the girls to Forks Hospital if you want to see them. Make sure you leave your number in case we need to contact you after we get the other statements." With that being said he turned and walked towards the accident.

"Come on Paul let's get going down to that station so that we can get back home." He didn' t even wait for my response before he walked towards his truck, with me following. We were about 10 minutes from the Beaver Police Station when he broke the silence. "You know how I feel about using my Alpha voice for putting restrictions on you guys but if you can't calm down your drinking and your compulsive need to belittle women then you will leave me no choice." He was blaming me, how was this my fault, I wasn't the driver.

"Sam I didn't even do anything, I asked her If she could drive and she said she was fine. What was I suppose to do?" My anger that I usually held back around Sam was slowly seeping out.

"Paul you might not have been driving but you are the reason she was. If you never convinced her to leave with you this never would have happened because her friends would never have let her drive. You need to stop thinking about just your self and realize that there are other people in this world."Just then he parked in front of the station. "Now go take care of your responsibilities so I can go back to Emily and no we are not talking about this any more tonight." There it was, the Alpha voice that I can not disobey and trust me I have tired many times.

Seeing as it was 1 am there was no one in the station so I was able to fill out my report in only 15 minutes. When I got back to the truck Sam was snoring loudly, so I climed into the truck and slammed the door. He jumped awake, " You know you could show a little more respect considering I woke up in the middle of the night to help you." I tried to surpress my laugh as he yelled but I failed which resulted in him growling at me.

When we were 5 minutes from Forks I finally decided to ask him the question I had been contemplating the whole ride. "Sam do you think you could drop me off at the hospital, I want to make sure the girl is all right."

Sam just looked at me, truly shocked. "Did I just hear you right Paul? Are you actually having a guilty conscience? I think you should wait til morning seeing as how it is way passed visiting hours and you are not family." Damn Sam and always being right.

"Ok then just dropped me off at my house then." The rest of the ride was quite until we got to my house and said our goodbyes. I walked into my house and crashed on the couch not even bothering to walk to my bed.

xxxxx

I woke up at 7:30am unable to sleep anymore and decided to get dressed and go straight to the hospital. By the time I got there it would be after 8am, which isn't that early so they better let me in. Thankfully Collin and Brady were either still sleeping or not home so I didn't need to explain anything to them.

When I arrived at the hospital I decided to go in through the emergency room entrance, figured that would be where they brought her. There was an older woman at the desk who eyes automatically lit up when she saw me. Maybe this would be easier then I thought.

"Hello Ma'am my name is Paul Kleary and I am looking for a girl that was brought here between 1am and 2 am this morning. She was in a car accident on the highway just outside Beaver."

"Oh yes dear, I do remember her. Are you a relative?" She asked suspiciously, she knew damn well I wasn't her family, if I was I would've asked for her by name.

"No Ma'am I was actually in the other car, the stupid girl I was with lied to me and told me she hadn't been drinking. I never would have got in the car if I knew the truth, as it is I will never be speaking to her again. I really was just hoping I could see the girl and make sure she is ok, I feel horrible. I would really like to apologize to her." I put on my best puppy dog face and watched her slowly give in.

"Her name is Harley Mcquinn and we haven't been able to get a hold of anyone in her family all night. I am telling you this cause she is in bad shape and I think a visitor is exactly what she needs, so I am going to let you go in there. Please don't make me regret it, oh and I better prepare you for what you are about to walk into. Her left arm is broken along with both her legs and she has 3 crushed ribs. She had some internal bleeding in her brain but they were able to stop it before any permanent damage could be done. She however is in a coma and they are still doing tests as to what is causing it. Now know this, I could get fired for telling you this, so if you do anything stupid I will call the cops and say you sneaked in. Are we clear?" I nodded, "Ok she is in ICU, 3rd floor room 4." The nurse then went back to working on her computer like she didn't even know I was there.

The whole elevator ride up to the third floor I couldn't stop replaying what the nurse said in my head. This girl could die and Sam was right, it would be my fault. Wait why am I letting Sam get to me, this isn't my fault, I wasn't the one driving. Stacey had a choice, it's not my fault she is a pathetic girl with no conciense or self respect. I wasn't going to let this bother me, I was going to go in and say I was sorry and leave and then forget this huge nightmare ever happened.

That is exactly what I would have done too, if I never walked into the room. The moment I opened the door there was no turning back, there she was lying helpless on the bed. Only this time there was no blood covering her face and I could see her, really see her. More than that though, I couldn't look away. I knew what had happened before my mind even registered it. I had to leave before she sucked me in beyond control, I used my anger like I always do, to force myself away. Quickly I turned out of the room and ran down the three flights of stairs, out the main doors and straight for the forest. My clothes were shredded before I even hit the tree line.


	2. The Wolf In Me

**A/N: **I know I said this takes place after Eclipse but I just wanted to clarify that I meant a few years after. There will be chapters sometime in the future from Harley's point of view but for now I rather enjoyed writing from Paul's. Please Review!! :)

**2) The Wolf In Me**

She was beautiful, even her name was beautiful, Harley. She was also fragile, weak, and hurt because of me. I could never go near her again, I was suppose to protect her and her she is lying is a hospital, possibly dying. How is this happening, I don't fall in love, I have spent my whole live building up walls so this exact thing wouldn't happen. Just then I noticed I was not alone in my thoughts

_Imprinting knows no rules, no limits, no boundaries, Paul. That's what we have been trying to tell you._ At least it was Sam and I didn't have to open up all of my thoughts all over again, so this time I just let him see what happened at the hospital. _Oh, well you have to go back. You can't stay away from her, you saw what it did to Quil._

_Sam I am not safe for her. She is lying in the hospital right now, because of me, that best thing for her now is that I stay far away._

_Paul you can't not blame yourself you have to have faith. You have seen the the magic that imprinting holds, if you were ever to start believing do it now. She needs you and you need her more than you are willing to admit._

_SAM it is not going to happen so please just leave it alone. I am no good for her, I am no good for anyone. Please just leave it alone!_

_Sorry Paul, I'll leave you to your thoughts. I'll tell the rest of the pack not to phase until you are done, can you at least them me know when that will be?_

_Yeah I'll come tell you when I phase back, Thanks Sam._

_No problem Paul, you might not realize but I understand better than you think. My imprinting wasn't exactly easy either. Good Luck._

Before I knew it I was alone again in my thoughts, the way I wanted it. I was running as hard as I could, as fast as I could, and as far away as I could. Hours later I realized I must have been at least 150 miles away, my paws ached and a pain riped at my lungs. I found a tree and collapsed underneath it, I know I told Sam I would tell him when I had phased back but it was then that I realized that I had no intention to.

My life would now go on as a wolf, I couldn't go back to the way I used to live, not knowing that she existed. I definitely couldn't go back to her, I could not hurt her anymore than I already had. Sure Sam was able to get over what he did to Emily but he never forgave himself, and he never will either. This was different though, Harley might die. The anger that rose within me at that thought was too much to bear, I lunged at a tree across from me causing it to split in half. The animal in me took over as I destroyed anything in my path, my anger was taking control. If only there was a bloodsucker around, today would be perfect. Hearing his stone skin rip apart under my claws, the ear defying screech as I tear it's head off, the sickly sweet scent as I burn it into nothingness.

_Paul, where are you? _I was so absorbed in my anger I didn't even notice Jared's thoughts join me.

_I don't know, there aren't many road signs in the forest._ I growled.

_Jeez Paul relax! Sam sent me to check on you because we are all worried, when are you coming back? _Just as he thought it he read what I was thinking all day. _Oh, you're not. You won't be able to stay away, you know that, so why do this to yourself, to your friend's, to her._

_The whole reason I am doing this is for her! I am not safe, this may be what I am but SHE didn't choose this. I am not weak I can fight imprinting, I never even wanted it in the first place. _I knew my thought hurt him, he thought I was calling him weak but I really didn't care. Now that I knew what waited for me as a human, I was even more certain that I wanted wolf life. I didn't have to feel as much in this form, I could just let my anger rule me completely.

_Fine Paul if that is what you want then I will let Sam know. We will miss you brother! _Without another thought he phased back.

As Jared's thoughts faded out I caught the scent of a herd of elk, which made my stomach growl. My attack was so precise and effortless, the head buck was dead before he even knew what was happening. The taste wasn't as appealing as real food but it would suffice. Then I went back to my destruction of the forest, with thoughts of Harley never leaving me but instead driving my anger even farther outta me. This was how I spent most of my time, how long that may be I have know idea, as a wolf you tend to lose track of such trivial things. Every now and then one of the pack would try to contact me but stopped when I had learned to train my thoughts so that I wouldn't even think when they were phased.

The nights were the worst, I would lie under which every tree I could find and stare into the moon wishing for sleep, but it never came easy. Whenever I gave myself actual time to think the thoughts always drifted to her. The vision of her lying almost lifeless on the hospital bed was forever burned into my memory. Her long red hair spread beautifully across the pillow, her fair skin covered with freckles that glistened off the sunlight that shone through the window. I growled at myself, what the hell was happening to me? I don't have these thoughts about girls, girls have always been more of a conquest to me then anything else. Just the thought of considering her a conquest woke up the anger in me once again

This time I wrecked havoc on both boulders and trees. Clawing at anything and everything that dared to get in my way, after hours my paws were sore and bleeding. I collapsed and finally fell into a painful, restless sleep. In the morning I was woken up by thoughts that were not my own.

_Paul come on we seriously need to talk, rather you realize it or not you have been gone for a whole week. The pack needs you man, you can't just walk away from your family._

_Don't tell me what I can or can't do Jake. I don't care how long I have been gone and I didn't walk away from you guys, you still know where to find me!_ Without thinking I let my mind slip to thoughts of her, Jake caught on before I could stop them.

_She is still in the coma Paul, she needs you too. Emily goes and visits her everyday because they still can't get a hold of any family._

_She needs me? Are you serious? I am the last thing she needs, she is in that friggin coma because of me! I don't care anyways, I don't want this, I don't want her. Imprinting isn't for me, you all know that, I was perfectly happy before._

_Happy, you call that Happy? Going out every night getting drunk and bringing home some poor, unsuspecting girl that you didn't even like just to make you feel better about yourself. That is not happy man, you were miserable, you are too afraid to do anything but live your life in anger because at least then you are in control. You need her and that scares you, so instead of fighting like a man you are running away._

_Get the Hell out of here Jake before I come find where you are and tear you to pieces. You don't know what the hell you are talking about._

_Oh yeah you're right I have no idea what it feels like. You don't think I wanted to run away and let my anger tear at me when Bella chose that leech over me? Or were you too full of yourself like always to even realize what was going on. Sam wanted me to try to talk to you but obviously you would rather wallow in your own self pity so see ya! _With that he phased back and I was alone once again, only this time my anger was as strong as it has ever been.

How dare Jake say those things. He had no idea what he was talking about, I am not running away, I am protecting her, but I wasn't was I. Damn Jake for putting these thoughts in my head, damn him even more for being right. Although he wasn't right about everything, I didn't need her, I could survive with out her and I would.

The more I thought about everything the more I started to blame her, she made me do this. It was her that caused me to flee from my friends and to live like a coward away from the real world. I could go back, I would go back, but I wouldn't see her, I wanted nothing to do with her. Rather this was true or not I would not let myself realize. I was back to letting my anger rule, I was back in control the way that I liked to be.

I started running as fast and as hard as my paws against the wet forest floor would let me go. After what seemed like 8 hours I couldn't push myself anymore, I dropped to the ground and fell into a dreamless sleep. As soon as my eyelids opened I was already running, still letting my anger drive me. The sun started setting when I started to see the tree lines of Forks, I knew I was only 45 mins away from home so I pushed farther ignoring the pains shooting through my paws. I ran all the way to the clearing in front of Sam and Emily's house.

Just as I was about to phase back I realized that I had no clothes so I let out a big howl and waited for someone to come outside. Within seconds both Jake and Embry were standing on the porch, peering into the woods, directly to where I was. Embry was the one to talk, obviously Jake was still upset. "Paul is that you?" I howled again. "Well why don't you phase back and get in here?" Obviously he wasn't getting that I need clothes so I whined this time. "Oh, you need clothes don't you, hold on I'll be right back. He ran into the house with Jake sulking behind him.

Seconds later he was standing in front of me with a pair of basketball shorts and and a t-shirt, he laid the clothes in front of me. "Put these on and I'll meet you in the house. It's good to have you back man." He ran into the house and left me alone to change. I phased back and put on the clothes then walked slowly into the house, this should be interesting.

I walked into the kitchen and all eyes were on me. "Hey guys I'm back, did you miss me?" I tried to make a joke but no one was laughing they were all just glaring at me. " Ok guys I am sorry, especially to you Jake, I know I have been a real ass lately. Anger has always been my way of dealing with things and so when it failed me I ran and took it out on the only people who really cared. I don't expect you guys to forgive me anytime soon but could you please at least think about it."

"Paul we are just glad you are back. Sit down and enjoy this wonderful meal Emily made for us and we will discuss everything tomorrow. Next time though just remember you have us to talk to before you go on another one of your vacations." Sam chuckled a little at the end causing the tension in the air to slowly dissolve. I could tell that not everyone was going to let it go as easy but they would forget about it for the night just like Sam said to.

The taste of Emily's food was amazing, better than it had ever been. Probably because it had been over a week since I had any real food. Slowly conversations all around me slowly started to pick back up but no one talked directly to me. I didn't mind though I was too involved with the massive plate of lasagna in front of me. I was about to lift a huge fork full to my mouth when Emily started talking to me. "I am going to the hospital in the morning if you want to go with me." I started shaking as my anger fought once again to consume me.

"I am not going to the hospital. I didn't ask for her and I don't want her. Please leave it alone." My shaking was starting to die down but the murderous glares I got from all the guys who had imprinted didn't help.

"How the hell can you say that Paul? She needs you! Are you really so selfish that you would let her die when you may be the only one who can save her." Jared who never gets mad screamed at me.

"Listen to yourself Jared, she is in that bed because of me, how could I possibly save her? You had it easy with Kim, she wanted you just as much as you wanted her. You two would have been together even if it wasn't for imprinting. This is different, what is she doesn't want me, what if she has a whole other life, I know nothing about her. I can't just take that away from her."

"Well then that's her choice not yours. Yours is to make sure that she is happy and to be whatever she needs you to be. We both know you can't walk away from her, you can try but it will tear you apart. So stop being stubborn and trying to take on the world and just go see her." Sam spoke this time cause Jared, and all the others who had imprinted already left, unable to control their shaking.

"This is my life, therefore it's my choice! I am sorry I came here, sorry for thinking anyone would understand." With that I walked out the door and slammed it hard as I ran home, but I didn't phase. I couldn't, the other guys were phased and the last thing I wanted to do was have to share my thoughts with them. Five minutes later I was in my room and I collapsed onto my bed. Hopefully I wouldn't wake up until this nightmare was over.


	3. Circle Of Death

**A/N: **Sorry it took so long!! Please review, if you have time! Even if you don't it's ok I will still keep the story going cause I rather enjoy it! :)

Ok time for Captain Obvious.... I don't own Twilight!

**Ch. 3**

Here I was on my way to a mandatory pack meeting after I had pissed them all off the night before, this should be fun. I was a good twenty feet away from Sam's house when I heard the voices, apparently they chose to get started without me.

"Sam this is absurd, force him to go see her if you have to! You know this is just going to eat away at him and drive a wedge through the pack. Imprinting is something unexplainable you've see how it works, what if she needs him to wake up?."

"Quil, you know better than the rest of us what Paul is going through. I didn't force you to see Clarie until you were ready did I? Until he actually does something to the pack then we have to just support him in his decision."

"Well then Sam I guess it's only fair to tell you that Jared, Jake, Embry and I have decided that we don't want him around our imprints. If he doesn't care enough about his own to protect her how can we expect ours to be safe around him?" That's it, I couldn't hold in the anger any longer, with seconds I was storming through the back door.

"So that's it then, you are just gonna start making decisions about my life with out me? I have known you and all your imprints for four years and I love them like they are my own family. So it is a load of crap that you would think I would do anything to hurt them, I have devoted my life to protect them." My anger suddenly clouded everything else in the room as I felt my fist connect with the wall.

"Now can we please go outside and handle this like we normally do for pack disagreements? Or do I have special rules cause I am so dangerous." I didn't even try to hide the sarcasm in my voice.

"Paul I will expect you to have that wall fixed by tomorrow morning. You are not treated any differently then anyone else here, you are just too stubborn to admit that you aren't always right. Outside now, before you break anymore of my house." I hated when Sam used his Alpha voice, there was no arguing it, even trying sent sharp pains through my temples.

I just bowed my head and followed Sam along with the rest of the pack into the forest for our circle of death. Not that we ever actually killed anyone, it was just our name for the way we settled disagreements. We would all phase and the person whom the disagreement was with would stand in the middle, surrounded in a circle by the others.

One by one they would each take their turns voicing their complaints with me, I would then have a chance to say my piece. If they didn't like what I had to say they were allowed to take one good swing at me and I had to take it. It might sound barbaric to some but for a pack full of werewolves it works. We aren't the type to dwell, we handle it once and the it's over with. It is true, we get mad very easily but we don't hold grudges.

So here I am phased and standing in the middle of a bunch of angry werewolves waiting to hear the first thoughts. Something tells me by the look in his eyes that Jake will be the first to share his thoughts.

_Well I guess now I will have to be, wouldn't want you to be wrong for once. Paul I understand that you only care about yourself and we have come to expect that from you. My only problem is that you actually think that your imprinting is the only one that was hard. Save it Paul, I don't want your excuses._

There was nothing I could say either, nothing that I wanted to say so I just braced myself. Jake lunged, through the air and hit me hard sending us smashing into a tree, his claws ripping my my shoulder. He got up an rejoined the circle as I went back to the middle.

_Jake is right Paul, none of our imprintings were easy, it wouldn't be worth it if it was. Do you think I enjoyed people looking at me like I was a pervert cause I was always around a 2 year old? Do you think it was easy for Jake to trust another girl, imprint or not, after how bad Bella hurt him? Or do you even pay attention to the way Jared beats himself up because it took him becoming a werewolf for him to really see Kim? Even when she always knew she loved him. Or what about Sam's situation, do you think that was easy? Wait, I forgot this is Paul we are taking about, if it doesn't directly relate to you then you could care less._

I couldn't take it anymore. _Quil that is not true and you know it, you guys are the only family I have. I am sick of you making me sound like a raging asshole. Just cause I don't show my emotions the same way as the rest of you doesn't mean that they don't tear me up just as much._ The agony in my thoughts were starting to show but it didn't stop Quil from slashing out against my other shoulder.

Sam's Alpha voice echoed in our minds. _Seeing as how Jake and Quil have already pointed out the main reason we are here does anyone else have anything to add? _Everyone was quiet just shaking their heads, except for Jared.

_I have just one question Paul, have you even thought about her? Does it even bother you that she is lying there helpless?_

I tried but I couldn't stop the whine that escaped from my muzzle. _Every second of every day from the moment I first saw her. It kills me not to run to her but I can't, I am not safe. You all said it yourselves my anger is out of control, but it is all I know. I have hid behind it for so long, I don't know anything else. My job is to keep her safe and right now the safest place for her is away from me. So please, you don't have to agree with my choice but could you at least try to accept it._ Just when I thought everyone was done with their yelling, Leah proved me wrong.

_Accept it, when you are taking for granted the one thing the rest of us long to have. Do you think it's easy on us who haven't imprinted to sit back and witness the amazing love that imprinting brings and know that we might never find that? Here you are though with a chance to have the greatest thing your pathetic life will ever give you and you are just throwing it away. _Leah didn't even wait to hear what I had to say, she was on top of me in a second, clawing fiercely at my chest. This time though Sam had to order her off.

_Leah that is enough, I think we have all made our points very clear. Paul, while we may not agree with your decision we respect it. As long as this doesn't interfere with us doing our job as a pack then I cannot force you to go see her. I am warning you though, if you anger gets outta hand or I feel like you can't handle it, you will no longer have a choice, do you understand me? _ I bowed my head unable to disobey the alpha. _Ok then everyone phase back and lets go eat some breakfast._

We all phased back and just like that it was over. The guys were all coming up to me now, patting my back and welcoming me home. Leah was still a little stand offish but that is just the way we always were. Just like that, were in the kitchen stuffing our faces, talking, and laughing just like we did before I left. That was they way it worked with us, we have know each other far too long to stay mad. Although I am sure a lot of it had to do with the fact that they thought I would give in and go see Harley, but I wouldn't

"Thanks for the food Emily, it was delicious as always! I will see you guys in a little while, I am going to head up to the hardware store to get stuff to fix the wall."

"Wow, Paul is actually going to do something instead of putting it off til the last minute? Maybe we should send him away more often." Embry joked as the packed joined in with laughter.

"Well hopefully next time it will be under better circumstances unless you enjoy watching me fall apart at the seams." I tried to make it light hearted but there was no denying the venom it was laced with. I didn't even bother to wait to here anyone's remarks I just got up and walked out the front door. They say I am the insensitive one, then what the hell was that, did they really think I enjoyed living as a wolf.

I was at the store 15 minutes later, I decided to walk hoping the air would cool me down. In the end though it just gave me more time to think and when I was in a mood like this, that was never a good thing.

Here I was standing in the back of the store looking at the dry wall and plaster when the sales guy came up to me. "Can I help you with anything?" Why the hell couldn't people just leave me alone today.

"If I needed your help I would've asked, so NO you can't help me." Quickly I went to the front, paid for my stuff and ran outside. I had no idea what that was all about. I'll be the first to admit I have a very bad temper but that was just rude, he did nothing wrong. Something is setting me off easier than normal and I don't know what it is. Better hide these thoughts from Sam, he always reads why too much into everything.

When I reached Sam's house I was relieved to find that everyone was gone but Emily. I really couldn't deal with anymore smart remarks today. Emily was still working on the dishes from this morning when I walked into the kitchen. "Hi Emily, I am really sorry about your wall. I will have it fixed in no time." I was never angry with her, she was way too kind to me and the rest of the guys.

"It's ok Paul, we all let our tempers get the best of us sometimes, we are only human after all." She added the last part with a laugh trying to hide the pain in her eyes but I still noticed. Emily has forgiven Sam for the scar that now covers half of her beautiful face but he will never forgive himself. "The pack went cliff diving and told me to tell you to join them when you are finished." She quickly added on obviously wanting to change the subject.

"Thanks, I think I will, I need to get my mind off of things." Cliff diving was the one thing in my life that I gave myself to completely. For those few brief moments, flying through the air, I was free.

"I know you don't want to see her but maybe it would help if I told you about her. The nurse who helped you last Saturday when you went to see Harley is an old friend of the family from the Makah reservation. She is keeping me updated on her progress and lets me visit her everyday." Just hearing her name shot a pain through my heart and at the same time, got my temper boiling. I refused to take it out on Emily so I stayed quiet, grinding my teeth and working fiercely. Hopefully she would get the idea and drop it, she didn't.

"They have made some progress with finding out who she is though. Sam was able to get Cheif Swan to do a little investigating for us." She stopped there, her eyes full of sadness and worry, then continued doing the dishes.

This time the venom in my voice was too much to hide. "What is it Emily, what aren't you telling me?" My rage turned into a violent shaking and I was slowly losing control as I heard something snap, the table.

"Paul calm down, take a break and go cliff diving. When Sam comes back we will all sit down and discuss this." Hearing the fear in her normally gentle voice snapped me out of it. I stopped shaking enough to make it safely outta the house.

My wardrobe had suffered greatly since I became a werewolf so I forced myself to get undressed before I phased. I was so caught up in my thoughts of what just happened that I didn't realize I wasn't alone, until it was too late.

_You did what in front of Emily? No excuses Paul, I want you to open up all of your thoughts from today, NOW! _So I did, from screaming at the guy at the store, to breaking the table and almost phasing right in front of Emily. Hearing the fear in Emily's voice was enough to send Sam over the edge, I was pinned on the forest floor with his paws wrapped tightly around my neck before I even realized he was close to me. His claws dug deeper and deeper in my skin as he stared to my eyes with a look of pure hatred. _Paul you are my best friend but if you ever put Emily in danger like that again I will kill you myself. I knew this was going to happen, I knew you couldn't handle being away from her. Your mind is too stubborn to admit it but your heart needs her and the rage will keep building until you give in to her. The only other outcome would be your anger completely taking over and then I will have no choice but to force you to remain a wolf, because you will no longer be safe around humans. _He is screaming his thoughts at me so violently that my head is aching causing me to momentarily forget the claws still around my neck.

_Please Sam, I don't want to see her, I can't see her. My anger is at it's worse when I think of her, I can't control it. My life has been nothing but hell since she came into it. The feelings I have for her are unstable, from hatred, to love, to worry, to anger, I am not safe for her._

_Paul when will you get it through your head. Your life has been one pathetic excuse since the moment I met you, she isn't making it worse she is giving it meaning. As for your anger you need to stop hiding behind it, I have seen all of your thoughts and I would have to be an idiot not to realize you already love her. I am sorry but I will not have you putting Emily or the other imprints in danger and I will not have you breaking apart the pack. _With the stren, Alpha voice he said the words that could very well mean my demse. _YOU WILL GO SEE HER TOMORROW._ He finally let me up off the ground and I was finally able to think clearly with out the bellowing hate filled yells echoing through my head. _I don't hate you Paul, I am just disappointed in you. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for, you DO deserve her just wait and you will see. Now lets get back to the house, I believe Emily wanted to talk to us about something._

When we entered the house Emily had already fixed the table and dinner was waiting for us. "Emily I am so sorry about earlier, I hope you know I would never hurt you. Thank you for fixing the table you really didn't have to, it was my fault, not yours, I am sorry for messing up your house again. I know there is no excuse for my behavior but in time I hope you can forgive me." Sam was still mad at me, no apology I ever gave would be good enough for him, not with what I put his Emily though today, I couldn't blame him. I looked at Emily and Sam just starting at each other and I could tell that her face so full of forgiveness was weakening his resolve.

"Forget it even happened Paul, I am sure Sam already dealt with it, no need to bring up what is already resolved. We are one big happy family and sometimes families get mad at each other that's all." How she could be so forgiving I had no idea, if I had even half the patience she had maybe I wouldn't be in this situation now.

"That's good to hear Emily cause I have a question to ask you.' Sam looked at me with a weary eyebrow lifted. "Do you think you could come with me to the hospital tomorrow? I am going to go see Harley but I don't know if I am ready to be alone with her yet."

"Sure Paul, in fact we will both go with you tomorrow." I could tell from Sam's voice that he wasn't close to trusting me alone near Emily again for a long time.

"Now that that's settled let's eat shall we?" Emily always knew how to break the tension, food. She pulled out her chair and sat at the table and we followed. After finishing 2 plates of her delicious Chicken Pot Pie I remembered something.

"Um, Emily isn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" I saw her smile quickly disappear and in it's place was the saddest of looks.

"Well I suppose now is a good a time as any. It's about Harley's past." I could tell by the shaking of her voice that this wouldn't be good.


	4. Hanging On By A Thread

**A/N: **Sorry it took so long, I have been busy and distracted lately. I promise I will be back on track very soon though so pleas just bear with me.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight = Not Mine

**Ch. 4**

The red glow from my alarm clock read 4:00 AM, you've got to be kidding me, I groaned. Sam said it would be better if I knew but I don't see how. Hearing all that stuff about her brought out the greatest rage I have ever felt since I first phased. By the time Emily had finished talking I was shaking uncontrollably, I would have phased right there in the house if it wasn't for Sam.

His inhuman strength managed to help him get me into the backyard just before the wolf took it's full form. The backyard wasn't as lucky as the house to avoid destruction. In a matter of seconds Emily's poor patio furniture was reduced to nothing but rubble. My claws fiercely shredding anything that got in my way. I ran full speed and with all the strength I had into an old willow tree, Emily's favorite, and sent it smashing to the forest floor. My blood was boiling as a murderous rage seethed through my veins.

I was momentarily distracted, my anger fighting with it's self over what to destroy next, so Sam took his oppertunaity. He lunged at me, catching me off gaurd and tackled me to the ground. At that moment I didn't care that he was my best friend or my leader, all I cared about was the he was in front of me. That I need to make someone else feel the hurt that I felt. So I fought him, for the first time in my life I attacked Sam back.

His whole weight was pressed on me, stopping me from getting up, but I still had my paws. I lashed out at his shoulders, his face, his chest, I could hear his skin shredding but it didn't stop me. There was only one thing that could stop me at that point, Sam's orders, and they did. Of course I tried to fight them but I failed. My whole body ache from the beating I just gave myself and my heart throbbed with a pain I didn't know I could ever feel.

When I was finally calm enough, we phased back and I helped Sam clean up my mess. I apologized a hundred times, something else I never normally do, but Sam wouldn't hear it. He said he would've have done the same thing and for once I actually got angry for a legitimate reason. Sam actually said he was proud of me cause it proved that I really did care about her. Proud of my anger? He can't be serious.

So now I am here lying in my bed tossing and turning like I have been for the past 4 hours. Now that I am finally calm enough to deal with it, I keep replaying what Emily told me at dinner over and over in my head. Harley, my Harley, the one I hated to think about but couldn't stand to be away from. I thought I was the most dangerous thing in the world for her, that staying away would keep her safe, boy was I wrong.

Harley's real parents were the scum of the earth, her father a drug dealer and her mother a drug addict. Thankfully she was born a normal healthy baby which I hear doesn't happen often if the parent's have drug problems. Anyways, as soon as she was born they gave her up for adoption without a second thought. Only, they didn't have a family lined up for her so she had to stay in a state home until she was 10. How could someone know her, beautiful Harley, for 10 years and not want her, how worthless she must have felt. If I ever see the people responsible I swear I will kill them.

At 10 she was adopted by a nice young couple, from what I heard, who couldn't have kids. Apparently they loved her as if she was truely their own flesh and blood. She stayed with them for 3 years and then one snowy night they died in a car accident on their way back from a party. The pain she must have felt having the only 2 people in the world that cared about her taken away too soon.

After then it was back to the state home, by that time she was 13 and all of the adoptive families were looking for infants or toddlers. This time she was only in the home for 3 years when someone adopted her. It was a family that took in teenagers who had a rough past. I didn't understand that, she didn't have a rough past, she was perfect, amazing, it was everyone around her that messed up. Then again all I have to go by is what the state home in Settle told Chief Swan.

So anyways she was with this new family for a couple of months when the state home started getting complaints from neighbors about hearing domestic abuse in the foster house. They said they held a full out investigation, got the cops involved but everything came back clean. The parents even said that Harley and the boy always got along better than the other kids. Of course they would say this, they were probably in on it too. My anger at how stupid they were started to rise again just thinking about it. I mean seriously if a girl is getting beat, all the guy has to do is threaten her and of course she would act like they were best friends. Where does the state find these people, do they really just let any pathetic piece of shit adopt kids now a days.

Then 2 months ago she left the foster home, she took her old, very used, junker car and money she had been saving since she first started working at 14 and left. No one knew where she was going or that she even left until 3 days went by without a word. The state was trying to search for her but with all the other kids in the system it was nearly impossible to keep up with. Hearing that made me what to drive to the state home and beat the crap out of all the imbeciles that work there. Plus her worthless foster parents didn't want to help, saying that she would be 18 soon and they would stop getting a check for her so it didn't matter to them either way. So much for actually caring about the kids huh?

There you have it Harley, my imprint, had lived a live of true hell and instead of saving her from it, I just added too it. My anger started to seep from my veins, thinking of all the people in her life who have hurt her. What if she thinks it is her fault, what if she blames her self for her druggie parents not wanting her? The only thing I knew was that if she did, I would spend the rest of my life proving her wrong. She was worth it, she was worth so much more than the hand she had been dealt, hell she was worth everything. The trembling started to slow as I thought about her, not her past, just her.

I thought about her beautiful hair again, her sexy freckles that lined her whole body. I could spend hours tracing the freckles over her entire body if she let me. I was finally for the first time in days, relaxed, which was exactly what I needed. I needed to be calm and well-rested if I was going to see her today. With thoughts of her I drifted into sleep and for once thinking of her didn't make me angry, but not having her with me now did.

xxxx

Here I was standing outside the door of my imprint's hospital room, I was afraid to go in. What the hell is the matter with me? I was never afraid of anything, anxious, angry, impatient, sure, but scared just wasn't in my vocabulary. Yet, somehow, I stood in the middle of the hallway trembling, not shaking. Emily was already in there, holding her hand and talking to her, trying to wake her up. Suddenly I was angry,no jealous, it should be be in there by her side. Without another thought I entered the room.

Then I was there standing in front of her and actually seeing, I mean really seeing her for the first time. I knew I had imprinted before but the true impact of it didn't hit until this moment. Nothing else in the world mattered, just knowing she existed shattered my whole way of thinking. I never wanted to settle down, to fall in love but that was before I knew such a creature was actually real. I never gave girls the credit they deserved on their looks. I would consider them pretty, sure, hot maybe, sexy sometimes but never beautiful. Beautiful was a word that I used when describing a view or something along those lines, never for girls, the word was just too intimate.

Harley though, well she was beyond beautiful, she was absoultly breath taking. There were no words to do justice to the goddes lying in front of me, and that made me angry. I wanted to scream at the people who made the dictonary, beautiful and gorgeous were just pittiful attempts to desribe her, there needed to be more, she deserved more. I wanted to run out of the room, I was too angry, why do I always get angry so easy when it comes to her? Get out of the room Paul, those were my first thoughts, don't hurt her, you need to leave.

When I tried to move though my feet were planted to the ground, like in cement. Instinctively I looked to her and suddenly the shaking stopped and the anger flooded away. That was the moment that I realized she didn't need me, I needed her. Me, who has never needed anything before, needed this fragile, weak, but amazing girl. Around her I could feel my anger start to slowly disappear which I never before thought was possible. More dangerously though was that if I even thought of anything ever hurting her in anyway, the anger in be burned greater than ever before.

Sam's voice started echoing in my head, interrupting my thoughts, damn him. "Paul you can get closer you know, don't worry we won't let you hurt her." The anger started to rise again, I know I was afraid of hurting her before but hearing the idea confirmed from someone else was too much. My shaking was just starting to become unbearable when Sam grabbed by arm to take me out of the room. I wouldn't move though, instead I forced my eyes to find her face again and instantly the shaking stopped. Sam unused to seeing me able to control myself so easily asked in shocked, "How did you do that?"

"I don't know, I just realized that I get angry the easiest when it comes to her. Yet all I have to do is look at her and suddenly it all disspears. I know I was worried about it before but now that I am here I know that I could never hurt her, not on purpose. She is my world now, like it or not, ready or not, that's the way it is." Admitting it out loud made it that much more real, and for the first time in my life I actually doubted myself, if I could do it, settle down and be the person she needed me to be. The only thing I was sure of was that for her I would try, hell I would try anything.

"Well I am glad to hear you say that Paul because she needs you now more than ever. Rather you choose to believe it or not, Imprinting is so strong it has powers we may never truly understand. Paul, I hope you do believe it cause I am afraid you might be the only one to help her now." The air was instantly knocked out of my chest, it took all I had not to collapse.

"What do you mean? Did the doctor tell you something? Is she getting worse?" Even as I was saying the words I knew by the look on Sam and Emily's faces that I didn't want to hear the answers. I looked Sam straight in the eye and the shaking started. "Sam, TELL ME NOW!" I yelled but before I could finish I was getting pushed out the door, with Sam's death grips on my shoulder.

"Now is not the time for that Paul you need to calm down! Lets go outside and we will talk about it." A growl escaped my lips before I could stop it.

"No! I am not leaving her, please can we go back in, I will stay calm. As long as I am looking at her I can't get angry, please Sam." What was happening to me? I was sitting here begging Sam, I never beg. I wanted to punch myself for being so childish but I couldn't, my need to be near Harley overpowered everything else.

"Fine Paul but I am doing this for her, not you, I think she needs you. If I think you can't handle it even for a second then we are leaving. Do you understand?" I just nodded my head and walked into the room with Sam following.

Within seconds I found her beautiful face and instantly I was relaxed and ready to hear whatever terrible news Sam had for me. "OK you can tell me now but lets stay by the door just in case." Sam nodded in agreement and with deeply disturbed eyes, started explaining.

"Emily went to see the doctor earlier today before you got here. Look I don't know any other way to say this, Harley's breathing is starting to slow down and has become more shallow. They are currently running more tests to figure out the cause but for now they have her hooked up to an artificial respirator. She has already been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks and with her breathing giving out they don't know how much longer she will have." The last words were the final blow, what ever string was keeping me standing snapped and I crashed to the floor.

For the first time in my life I didn't even care that I looked weak. Here my Imprint was dying because of me, because of my selfish needs. I always knew that I put myself before others but it never bothered me before this moment. Probably because I never cared about anyone as much as I did her, sure I cared about the pack but they knew how I was, I didn't need to pretend with them. This couldn't be happening, I was completely lost, even my anger that had been my escape for so long had abandoned me. "There has to be something they can do, they are doctors for crying out loud."

"Well they won't know for sure until they get the tests back. They will keep her on life support of course for a month or two to see if anything changes but if there are no changes or she gets worse they will have no choice. We were able to get in contact with her foster family because they are technically still her legal gaurdiens but they said they wanted no part in the decsion, that the doctors would know best. I swear if I could've I would have reached my hand through the phone and strangled that wretched woman." Emily was at my side now trying to sooth me as she explained.

As soon as the words about the scum guardians of hers came out of Emily's mouth, I tore my eyes away from Harley. I needed to be angry, I wanted to find them and rip them to shreds with my claws. The shaking started slowly first but sped up quicker than normal, before Sam could force me out the door I was already running out of the room and out of the hospital. My clothes were in pieces before I even hit the tree line but I didn't care, nor did I care that I wasn't alone in my thoughts.

_Hey ya Paul, how was the hospital?_ Just then my thoughts slipped though exposing all my weakness to Embry. _Oh dude I am sorry, I didn't know. _I wanted to lunge at him for even bringing it up but just as I was about to I smelt it. The sickly sweet smell that makes my nostrils flare and my stomach churn, a vampire.

Finally I could unleash all my rage, I was running as fast as my paws allowed me following the disgusting scent. It only took a minute to see him, he was tall, average build with short black hair and those murderous blood red eyes and he was all alone. I saw him first so by the time he saw me it was too late. I was lunging at him and although he was fast, he wasn't fast enough. My teeth sunk into his hard, stone skin causing him to shriek as I tore off his arm. I was about to attack again when his arm good arm caught me in the stomach sending me crashing to the ground.

He was about to leap at me when I slashed him with my razor sharp claws, his leg went flying into the trees. He tried to hit be again but he was older, weaker than the newborns I was used to so I over powered him. I took my time, slowly pciking apart chunks of his body, instead of whole pieces. Each chunk was a person that hurt Harley, I knew I would never be able to cause them the pain they caused her. This was the next best thing I guess, destroying a leech while all along pretending it was them. Finally when I got bored I bit into his neck and riped his head clear off, with one finally scream his body fell to the ground and started twitching.

I Phased and started collecting all the pieces when Embry came out of the trees to my left and started helping me. "A little late aren't you?" Sarcasm seething out of everyone word I spoke.

"No, I was here the whole time, just watching. If I thought you needed my help I would have come out but I knew you were fine. Besides I figured you needed this, to finally be able to let go of all the anger on something you were allowed to destroy." The concern and sympathy in his voice caught me off guard and instantly I felt bad for being smart with him.

"Oh, um Thanks. I am sorry I didn't mean what I said early, just a long day." He nodded and continued to light the leech on fire causing the most sickining smell to invade my nose. "Well I am gonna head back to the hospital, are you gonna be ok?"

"Yeah I'll be fine, that was the first vamp we have seen in weeks and plus Jake will be on patrol soon." I started to walk away Embry stopped me. "Hey Paul, just a guess but I am sure you didn't change before phasing so take my clothes and I will have Jake bring me some when he phases." I just nod my head and then we both phase and I attached Embry's clothes to my foot.

_Thanks Embry. I know I have made things hard on you guys..._

_Don't worry about it Paul. We all know part of what you are feeling, we all have been through it before. Your situation is much different though and honestly I don't think I would have reacted any differently. Go see her Paul she needs you. _ With that I phased back, put on Embry's clothes and walked into the hospital. Embry was usually such a goofball the fact that he was being so serious made me think. It also made me realized that there were few people in my life that did care about me and I needed to stop treating them like crap.


	5. Not Logical

**A/N **I know this is a short chapter but I am stuck with this story so I figured I would just put up what I had. The next chapter will be much longer! Please Review

Twilight = Not Mine

**Ch. 5**

Another week had passed and Harely's condition had remained the same. The test results came back negative for everything they thought it could be, which of course shocked the doctors. No one could understand why she was still in the coma, what in her brain was leaving her unable to wake up that the doctors couldn't see. No one that is except for Sam, who of course said that what was a matter with her could not be fixed by medicine or doctors. Whenever I asked him what he meant he would just shake his head like I should already know.

I knew it had something to do with imprinting, maybe he thought that only I could wake her up. That was stupid though cause I was already there every day, every minute of visiting hours and her condition didn't improve. Then again it didn't get worse either.

That is how I would spend my days, sitting beside her bed all day just watching her, not talking or touching her for fearing of hurting her. Nope I would just watch her for hours and still when the nurse would come in to tell me it was time to go I would have to force my eyes away from her. Then I would run into the forest and phase, causing a path of destruction as my angry from another day of her not waking up, slowly seeped out. Yup that was how I spent all of my time for the past week.

Today, Wednesday, was different though, when I walked into her room Emily was already there. It was werid Emily had stopped coming so early in the morning once Sam was finally able to see for himself how much I cared for Harley and that I could be trusted alone. "What's up Emily?" Already I was afraid of the reason her being here now, yup, the look in her eyes confirmed it.

"Good morning Paul. The nurse called me and told me that Harley's breath was slowing again." I could feel the shaking start as my anger that I was just learning to control started to slip out of my grip.

"What does that mean Emily, please be honest with me." I had to clench my teeth as I said this, I was forcing myself to remain calm, I needed to hear her answer.

"It means that any day now she could stop breathing completely. Once that happens it is unlikely they will be able to do anything to save her." Emily had tears in her eyes now and believe it or not I could feel some start to form in mine. NO! I will not cry,crying shows weakness and I am not weak. I have to get out of here, I can't take this anymore, it's too much to deal with.

Just as I was about to leave the room my eyes fell on to her beautiful face. It was like seeing it again for the first time, I tried to move but my feet failed me. Knowing that this could be the last time I saw her chest rise and fall at her adorable intakes of breath. Or that I would never be able to finish memorizing the location of every freckle on her amazing body. Or that I would never be able to see her eyes and watch them stare back at mine seeing the depths of my soul that only she could. This wasn't fair, I needed more time with her, what the hell did I do to deserve this torture? I will leave this time for good, anything has to be better than seeing the one I love die before my eyes.

Suddenly something in me snapped. What the hell is the matter with you Paul? Not everything is about you, she is dying and all you can think about is how it affects you? I was furiously screaming at myself as Emily just quietly watched me with my obvious internal struggle. The truth though, I realized at that moment, it was never really a struggle cause I would never leave. I would watch her die a hundred times over if it meant a couple more minutes with her.

My anger washed away as I walked over to her, by the time I was at the bed I was trembling with nerves. I needed to touch her, to feel her soft skin in mine just once before she left me. Slowly I reached my hand out and gently picked hers up and placed it in mine. I have spent my whole life searching for the sense of completion, belonging, undeniable love that I felt the moment our hands connected. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced, I had spent years with many different girls, doing a lot more than holding hands trying to get this feeling only to fail miserably every time. This was the feeling I had spent years building up walls to protect myself from after I convinced myself it didn't exist. Yet here I was holding the hand of angel while electricity coursed through my veins awaking the deepest depths of my soul.

Emily's frantic voice interrupted my thoughts, "Paul, Paul!"

"What Emily what is the matter? Did she stop breathing?" I forced my eyes away from Harley to look at Emily, she was smiling.

"No Paul, look! Her breathing has picked up. It's started to go back to normal." What? I looked at her in shock and then turn my head back to Harley. Sure enough her chest was rising and falling more rapidly then before. Her breathing had definitely increased and even human ears could hear her breathing now.

"But how did this happen? What changed?" I was still confused, extremely happy, but confused as to how this was happening.

"You, Paul. I have been watching you two the whole time and as soon as your hands touched her breathing increased. Maybe Sam was right after all." She winked at me then, obviously pleased that Sam was right since she also agreed with him.

"That's impossible Emily. There has to be an explanation." Emily's smile slowly faded.

"Really Paul when are you going to stop being so stubborn? Sometimes the only explanation is no explanation. Surely you have to believe in the power of imprinting now?" I couldn't respond I was to shocked so I just shrugged my shoulder. Could her and Sam be right? I never would have believe it before but seeing it now, hearing her explain how her breathing started when our hands touched, nothing seemed logical anymore. What the hell was I saying, nothing have ever been logical since I became a werewolf. All I knew was that if hold her hand helped her get better, I would never let go.

Finally I was able to regain my composure, "Maybe we should wait and see what the doctor has to say." Just then Doctor Carter walked into the room and Emily rushed over to him to explain everything. His shock was just as obvious as mine as he fumbled to comprehend that the machine proved everything Emily just told him. Harley's breathing has practically doubled in just an hour. Immediately he was out of the room, going to get his staff to run more tests.

After about 10 minutes nurses came rushing in to take Harley to get xrays, cat scans, MRIs and whatever else they do. So I let go of her hand and as I did I felt like a part of me was missing. That fact that I already needed her so much overwhelmed me too much at that moment. As soon as the nurses left with Harley I walked out of the hospital and into the woods. I needed to run!

Once I was phased with my clothes safely left under a tree I let the wolf in me take over. All the built up anger, worry and sadness was released as my paws echoed hard against the forest floor. My lungs ached when I finally stopped an hour later. I decided to collapse under a tree and just think before I started heading back. My anger was fighting to take control but I wouldn't let it, I was too happy with what happened today. Harley was getting better and I didn't care why it was happening as long as it was.

Slowly I found my thoughts drifting to what it would feel like to really touch her, to hold her, to kiss her. I let my fantasies get a little too vivid and before I could realize it, I was no longer alone in my thoughts.

_Who needs porn when you have an imagination like that? _Dam Quil.

_What are you doing out here anyways?_

_It is my turn to patrol, what are you doing phased? Shouldn't you be with Harley or are you back to being your old stubborn self._

_Oh shut it, she had to get more tests done so I came out for a run. I am going back in now though so see ya._

_Have fun not too much though. Maybe you should wait until she is awake before you do any of those things you were just thinking about._

_Screw off Quil! _With that I phased back, got my clothes from under the tree, put them on and walked into the hospital. I was surprised that for once I wasn't actually pissed at what Quil had just said. After all I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood but the fact that he saw her like that even just in my thoughts did get a little rage going. I wasn't going to let that stop me from seeing her though, I have already been away for too long. So I forced my shaking away and walked into her room again. I couldn't believe what I saw.


End file.
